10 Commandments of Walking in the Hallway

10 Commandments of Walking in the Hallway

By: Audrey Matheson and Anika Kuhnert

Everyone can relate to being stuck walking behind a particular slow walker in the hallway or even being late to french class because of a hallway traffic jam. This essay will help you be less stupid in the hallway and walk properly in order to help the people around you keep their sanity.

1. Don’t TEXT! Your boyfriend can wait while you find a spot to park your bum...in a strategic place, like the side of the hall. Texting removes your focus from the people who are also in the hallway with you. It can lead to collision, where you could drop your phone. So do yourself a favor and don’t text while walking.
2. For the love of God hold the door for the person behind you. Who knows she might be your future wife! Don’t create bad karma with her!
3. DO NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY! Like in the first commandment, it creates frustration and anger in the souls of the people behind you.
4. Walk faster than a snail! Walking any slower than 4km/hour is unacceptable.
5. Don't discuss the meaning of life in the middle of the hall. Once again, we cannot emphasize enough the amount of collisions this creates.
6. Don’t play who can push the other hardest. Before you know it, someone is gonna get an elbow in the face.
7. You are not a model. The hallway is not your runway. Stop strutting. Cool your buttox.
8. Keeping your pants at a decent level will help you follow step 4.Your spirit animal may be a penguin, but please don’t walk like one. Keep the waddling to a minimum. You may think your underwear is fabulous but we do not share this opinion, sincerely, the whole school.
9. A hallway is like a highway for pedestrians, please keep to the right. It really isn’t rocket science.
10. Sporting equipment is meant for the gymnasium and the outdoors, not the small enclosed, human filled passage we call a hallway. The flying footballs and basketballs create anxiety and a fear of being hit before math. Please do not send your fellow classmates to the psychologists because of your athletic prowess.

By following these 10 simple commandments you will save everyone else in the hallway a great amount of frustration. The whole student body would appreciate this simple gesture of kindness. Thank you in advance.